Marriage in Trouble

It’s not often that a cover story in Time reinforces the Bible. But in the July 13th issue, Caitlin Flanagan eloquently did just that. Lambasting adulterous politicians Gov. Mark Sanford and Sen. John Ensign, Mrs. Flanagan exposed their self-centered hypocrisy for the destructive behavior that it is. Both men built reputations as conservative and family-friendly. But their actions belie their professions.

Their sorry narcissism adds fuel to the fire of those who argue that conservative, pro-family leaders are hypocrites who spout idealistic principles in an effort to curry the favor of a certain segment of the voting population.

Numerous observers have documented the schizophrenia of American culture with respect to marriage. Society continues to uphold the ideal of a permanent, child-bearing marriage broken only by death. Yet, in practice, the decisions to marry and stay married have been declining for decades. Increasingly, people are choosing cohabitation, nonmarital childbearing, or having no children.

Utilizing the hard facts of social science, Flanagan concludes: “There is no other single force causing as much measurable hardship and human misery in this country as the collapse of marriage.” Even feminist sociologist Maria Kefalas is forced to concede that growing up without a father has a deep psychological impact on a child: “The mom may not need that man, but her children still do.”

The weakened state of American marriage is due to an unrealistic, romantic view of marriage setting impossible expectations that no relationship can achieve, and the myopic failure to account for the devastating consequences of marital breakup.

Flanagan wonders who is left to ensure that the next generation will appreciate the stability and blessings found only in enduring marriage. Her biting answer strikes at the heart of much marital failure: “the ones who are willing to sacrifice the thrill of a love letter for the betterment of their children.”

The bedrock of an enduring society, stable homes require hard work and regular maintenance. But unless present trends are reversed, cultural deterioration will only intensify.